I love you, young self.
January's theme has been self-compassion and patience. I walked gently into the new year, breathing deeply and hoping for the best. Since it is a new year, I always make it a goal to clean-up and clean-out--whether it's getting rid of old emails, pieces of paper, clothing, or just anything that no longer serves a purpose in my life. When I was home for a short stint during the holidays, I came across my old journals. One of these was a beautiful leather-bound book and the other a small wire-bound notepad. These served as the transcripts of every thought that consumed me during my last years in high school. I opened each and the tears flowed down my face. When I step back into the old shoes, of self-loathing, embarrassment, and lack of self-worth, it brings back all the fears, all of the many things that once stood in my way. Looking at my younger self, I am floored at what rustled through my head and the value I did not see in myself. I relied heavily on what others thought of me and how they perceived me. Because of these feelings I gained weight, I treated the people I loved so dearly like absolute garbage, and had zero confidence in my skills and abilities.
Looking back, I wish I could tell young Marko that he is so enough, that weight isn't everything, and that he should give zero f**ks what others think. Right now, I smile at how far I have come. That insecure, sad person is forever in the pages of those journals, but without those powerfully sad feelings of insecurity I would not be the person I am. I would not be writing this blog, doing yoga on the daily, posting inspiring things to social media, becoming my very own health coach, or smiling with genuine love and compassion for all beings on this earth. Without struggle, I would not be me.
Things I now know that young Marko should have realized:
-You are loved so intensely by this universe.
-The person that will love you, will love all of you--mind, BODY, soul
-No one really gives a shit about sexuality unless they are scared of their own
-Friends come and go
-EVERYONE HAS A STORY--whether its sad or happy
-You are stronger than you think
-You can inspire others by just being you
-You have opportunities in this life that people are jealous of
-You are so enough that it hurts
My dear friends, what would you say to your younger self? Because I would say, "I F***ING LOVE YOU, young Marko!!!" Respect where you have been and keep moving onward in this crazy life. We learn something everyday about ourselves. We learn limits, we learn compassion, and we are all here to live fully.
{Be inspired. Stay Positive. Love Yourself.}
XOXO,
Marko
