The Impact of Sexuality
There we were, tears flowing down our faces and hitting our yoga mats. My best friend and I decided that we would take a late night yoga class. Little to our knowledge, we entered a class that focused on the second chakra--the Sacral center. As we practiced, we met our deepest yearnings for love and released some of the deepest emotions and fears. We learned that sexuality is born in this chakra and how it affects the way we love and live.
Sexuality is so complex. You cannot put it in a box and define it just one way. Think about it, think of all the things that are defined by sexuality: love, gender identity, emotional capacity, clothing choices,lifestyles, etc. These are some integral parts of what makes a person who they are and it can all be defined around one's sexuality.
As some of you know, I have openly talked about my personal identity. I am an openly gay man, but that wasn't always the case. For years, I had wondered what I was and was so unsure until one day it all made sense. My sexuality had been such a point of contention in my life that it had physical affects on my body and psyche. I let others define me through their personal notions of what it looked like and up until I chose to search more deeply is when I found solace.
So here's the story:
My first year of college, was a huge turning point. I had moved from small-town MN to the metropolis of the state and found myself becoming the person I aspired be. My spirituality is something I don't necessarily talk about, but it is something that is conscious in every part of my life. I believe the people and lessons that come into my life are there for a reason whether I want it or not. So there I was sitting in a college dorm room dreaming about who/what I wanted to be.
After a lot of taxing inward conversations, I consulted an astrologist. (Yes I know what you are thinking. "Is he kidding me?" I thought the same thing until this.) I was introduced to Bruce through a very good family friend. We started the conversation of why I was calling him and he ended up explaining the things that I always doubted (my sexuality, life's path, etc.) He knew that I was keeping something from myself and from the people I love. And he outwardly told me "no one gives a shit about your sexual identity." He told me I had been abusing myself for so long about this that I was hurting myself physically and emotionally (I put on weight as a way to block love from others and to become invisible.) And in that moment my life changed.
Once I was able to define myself as a gay man, I was able to lose weight, to talk about myself and to love others and myself more. As Merle Miller wrote in On Being Different: What it Means to be a Homosexual,
Gay is good. Gay is proud. Well yes, I suppose. If I had been given a choice (but who is?) I would prefer to have been straight. But then, would I rather not have been me? Oh I think not, not this morning anyway . . . on such a day I would not choose to be anyone else or any place else. (23-24)
With that quote in mind, it takes into every aspect of what sexuality involves. It involves the individual person and what journey you choose to take. Never let anyone demean your feelings or emotions or call you out based on your personal identities. Sexuality plays a huge role in WHO we love, HOW we love, but it doesn't fully define you. YOU define you. And I encourage you, dear friends, to ask yourself deeply--"what is my truth and how and the hell will I talk about it?"
Be inspired. Stay Positive. Love Yourself.
With love and light and all the x's & o's,
Marko
